Try to imagine this in the tune of Glory Glory, Hallelujah.

 

If you can't afford a sitter, you should leave your kids at home...

 

I can't stress enough that kids are my achilles heel.

 

I love kids, but I hate screaming children. You know the kind, the ones that ruin your night and send a chill down your spine. I had one of those tongiht.

 

This kid was the antithesis of cool. It's a real pity that a crochet needle wasn't offered to the mother during the first tri-mester.

 

I got into a heated discussion with one of our hosts about this very topic: Should kids be taken out into public if they can't behave. S had a very unique perspective on it, as not only did she know the parents, but she also never has to deal with the parents, or thier children for more than two minutes on any given night. She was a staunch supporter of children being able to allowed into restaurants at anytime, even ones like the Steakhouse. Whereas I'm of the belief that McDonalds has a playroom for a reason.

 

Let's be honest with each other, kids are cute for the most part, untill they open thier mouths. I'm starting to think kids should come with duct tape.

 

The conversation went along the lines of it not mattering how disruptive the child was, so long as they were cute, it was seen as forgivable. What S fails to realize is that most parents view us waitstaff as extensions of a day care. No dice. Not on this cats watch. At one point tonight the mother asked me to take the kid and walk it around the restaurant, with the incentive of a large tip to come my way. I looked the lady right in the eye and told her I would gladly take the hit on the tip if it saved me from walking a 14 month old around.

 

This broad wanted private and quite time at the table.

 

Here's my solution to your problem: LEAVE YOUR HELLION AT HOME.

 

There were three people in this group, two women and one emasculated man. All lawyers. The mother is husband to a deadbeat city cop. Not alot of drinking goind down as a child was present, but the dude was hammering them back. I don't blame him, he's not the father and he was turned into defacto babysitter. Walking the kid around, keeping it occupied, feeding it, changing it, for christs sake it's not even your child, grow a set.

 

I try to enforce my stern modicum at tables with children. I'm going ot let you in on a secret here, no server in thier right mind is enjoying serving you or your hellspawn. Kids don't fuck with me at tables,it might be because I impose the threat of impending doom on thier tiny unformed skulls. This kid was an exception, from my arrival at the table and recital of dinner features this kid was a gong show. Crying, grabbing at shit, pouting, throwing stuff everywhere; this kids acted like it was one of Jerry's kids. A man has only so much patience. Mine was being tested.

 

Sure I was short with the table, but it was becasue if I stuck around any longer I would have just as soon of shot myself, or used thier napkins to form some sort of noose from which to hang the child outside the Steakhouse as to deter parents from bringing thier children into my domain.

 

Tonight made me think of Nicolas. The most well behaved child in the history of children. His parents had brought him up to be respectful and courteous, and most of all quiet. I needed to put all of this in perspective, so I called my mother and asked her what I was like as a child when I was taken out, and she said I never acted up, and was a very quiet child. Very well mannered in public. Now I understand that this could be a loaded question and that every mother (including the one that brough in the hellspawn) thinks thier child is the golden child, and answers accordingly.

 

Of all the strange things to happen, Nicolas' mother was in the bar tonight. I didn't recognize her, she noticed me, and called me over. She's hot, but thats not the point. We had a great conversation about the above mentioned, and I repeatedly complimented her on her son and daughter, and how wicked awesome they were.

 

I really needed to get that off my chest. It's been ther all night. On a lighter note, i think I'm developing a following again. It's nice to be loved. Stace, if you can find the email on the page feel free to drop a line, you've given me the warm fuzzy feeling that someone out there (that isn't my mother), cares.

 

If you can't afford a sitter, you should stay with your kids at home and order a pizza.

 

FW.

Update on THE RADAR, it looks like the dude has sold the place. I've yet to hear from him directly, but the telephone game has told me that it's a done deal.

 

Seems another place has bit the dust in my little burg. A direct result of thier being too many seats, and not enough asses to fil them on a day to day basis. This place was once a chain, and then had it's franchise taken away and stayed open privatly, and it has closed it's doors for good. Nice people, and I reiterate that I never like to see the little guy take the fall, but this town is getting very cut throat as far as market share and protection goes. These folks had the most inviting neckline.

 

The folks themselves that owned the place were nice enough people, just not restaurant people. They poured thier hard earned life savings into a buisness they had no idea how to operate. They encountered stumbling blocks from day one, they had expected that the previous owners were tired of saddling debt and would stay onboard and help them out by staying on as management. Unfourtunatly those two cats had other plans and opened a pizza joint (as if we didn't have enough) across town in a place occupied by a place that not only did I frequent, but helped run for a period of time. The previous occupants got a brand new factory looking type monster of a building close to the fair grounds/hockey rink.

 

These cats were buggered from day one. Again, I have to say, nice people, and they tried very hard, but they had no idea what they were doing. It's funny how the general public view a restaurant and it's operations. Most people think they could walk in off the street and just do this. It's never that easy. These places are a carefull balancing act of dozens of peoples(employees) lives and filing your schedule needs, not to mention the hundreds of potential guests (Walking Wallets) that you hope to have stroll thru your door on a day to day basis.

 

I'm a firm believer that the first impression is made on the guest by what you have standing at the door. A smart looking (read: stupid and hot) girl that is well dressed, that is wearing something that shows off her features but leaves enough to make you wonder. Someone that can smile and create minor banter and get you to your table in a timely manner is all that I need. This place lacked all of the above. I recall the last time I went in there we waited for 5 minutes before anyone greeted us at all.

 

The second, and in truth what should be the  most important thing, is what the table and it's surrounding look like. What I expect is a clean table, and any not being used around me to be clean as well. Again, not the case.

 

These things to me are a product of bad management, bad attitude, and bad training. A virtual trifecta of mediocrity that is surprisingly very easy to accomplish, despite what you might think about a trifecta being very difficult to pull off.

 

I've found that you ned to cater to your audience in order to keep them in the store, and sometimes, you need to re-create the brand or what you offer in order to keep that all important dollar in your pocket and not some other idiot down the road. they thought the same I guess, and to prove thier innovative instincts were sharp and very dubious in nature, they introduced: THE POTATO BAR.

 

Sounds wierd? It wasn't a horrible idea really. The concept is much like the dreaded salad bar.You take your empty gut up to this table with potatos on it, and put a bunch of stuff you think you might like on the spud, and eat it. In fact you can eat as many as you want. For free. Good idea? Sure, Great Idea? Let me put it to you this way, even rolling into Russia in the early 1940's sounded like a good idea, but fundementally it was flawed.

 

They let the product and service slip to the point of being worse then a Dennys or a Chicken Chef. Places that require thier wait-staff to apply makeup with a trowel, or Homers greatest invention, the make up shot gun.

 

I don't know if anything asisde from a healthy insurance policy and possibly a "freak fire" could've saved this place. I'm sure I could've helped them had I offered my services, which for a time I considered, but it's hard to tell proud people that they fucked up.

 

Another thing that was against these cats was the fact that a masive chain had opened up on the north end of the city and took nearly every customer they had left away from them. With no destination name, bad service, and bad food, it was really only a matter of time.

 

I raise my glass to you guys in the thoughts of your effort.

 

Another cat bit it a while ago. Same idea, lifelong real world experiance, no practical knowledge of what it takes to make our industry click. This guy opened to mild fanfare, with his own shit recipies. They really were horrible. This guy drove a truck his whole life and dumped a ton of cash into this place, made his own menu, and his own recipies. He took what was a promising concept, A Rib Shack, and turned faliure drenched in BBQ sauce.

 

He had so many problems with his food, and being criticized for having such high prices, that it drove many customers away. His action plan to fight this issue? Raise prices. He Lasted 6 months.

 

The leasing agent has approched me about going into the location ad doing what I do well, which is run a pub and sell cheap food at a reasonable price. I had to decline as I am moving out west to relocate and reopen a store in Klein-land.

 

In preperation, I have moved back into a management role in the Steakhouse here. I'm curious to see how this is going to turn out. Could be I hang myself from our thick cedar rafters by the end of the month, or I actually make it work somehow. Morale has been low for a while, so I'll try to take that on day by day. I have no idea how, but here I go. I should be fine though.

 

I have life experiance.

FW.

 

PS: Stace, you're welcome for the laughs, I try my best. Leave a link for me sometime, I would love to check out your stuff.